Leather Bound Read online

  You know this isn’t the same spot where we killed him.

  “I know but this is about as close as I can get without trying to trace it down.”

  It looks very similar.

  “I figured.” Tom sat in the car looking out over the field. He couldn’t quite put a finger on where his mind was sitting. Instead he let the look of the day cast over him.

  This life wasn’t what I had in mind.

  “Me either.”

  Your life seems good why wouldn’t you have that in mind?

  “I never expected to make it as a writer, now that I have, I’m losing my grip on my own reality. Hell, I’m sitting in a car on the side of a gravel road talking to myself. How do you explain that to normal people?”

  For the first time in a long time the voice in his head remained silent. He climbed out of the car and started walking through the field enjoying the silence. It wasn't long before the voice popped back into his head.

  It’s weird, isn’t it?

  “What?”

  Being alone, where no one knows who you are, or what you’ve done.

  It hadn’t hit him until now but he was all alone. He was not the best-selling author out here, he was Tom Mason, he was himself.

  “I never thought of it that way.”

  We tend not to don’t until it’s too late.

  “Are you suggesting that I back away?”

  Back away? No, I’m suggesting that you reevaluate your desires in life.

  “But my desires are all about making things better for me, and for Jennifer.”

  But, you’re already in a position where you’re living a life that most would be envious of.

  “Yeah, but it’s not about that.”

  Then what is it about?

  “It’s about doing something that matters. For me, writing matters.”

  Then I think we’re quite a lot alike.

  That surprised Tom. “How are we alike?”

  Because even though I was killing people, I felt that I was making the world better in some form.

  “How did you make it better?”

  If your words matter, then my ability to take the life of someone else matters. Doesn't that seem fair.

  Tom didn’t have words. Instead he stared at the field ahead. He had little to say. In his head, everything he’d thought about seemed to swirl. The wind blew through his hair. He hadn’t found what he was looking for. Though, he thought about his own life a little differently. With this realization, he started headed back home.

  Chapter 33

  Tom pulled into the drive way that afternoon as the sun set. He came to a stop and stared out the window trying to get his mind right before he went inside. As he walked in the door and found Jennifer sitting on the couch. She looked up at him and smiled. She noticed his face as he rounded the corner.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Tom took a seat onto the couch. The silence was heavy around the room as he collected his thoughts. Finally, he told her.

  “It’s been an interesting day.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I found the relatives of a man who William killed. I had to tell them what happened to their grandfather.”

  “Why?”

  “Because, I felt that it was right. I felt that it was as close to justice as I could provide. Even though it wasn’t my fault, I felt like since I read that book, it would have been as bad as me killing him.”

  “I understand your desire to do good, but was it something that you needed to do? It’s been years, haven’t those wounds healed enough?”

  “Maybe, but I also think her knowing, it brings some kind of peace, some kind of closure to her.”

  “Are you sure of that?”

  “I don’t know what to be sure of anymore.” Tom said.

  She knew there was more, and she pressed. “What’s really going on?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “I mean is there more to this then you’re telling me.”

  Tom rubbed his eyes, they stung still from crying earlier in the afternoon. He took a deep breath and looked at Jennifer almost afraid. “Yeah, there’s more but I’m not sure how to tell you.”

  “Look, I love you. You can tell me anything. You know we’re in this together.”

  “Things have been going south for me here since we got back. I think you knew that. You’ve seen it, hell it has kind of pushed us apart. The problem is, I’m not sure what’s going on and I don’t know how to stop it.”

  She looked at him confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “Since I got this book in the mail, things have changed. I’ve heard things, voices, in my head.”

  “What kind of voices?”

  “I argue with myself. The responses I get from inside my head belong to someone I don’t even know. His responses don’t seem like ones I’d come up with. It’s not simple.”

  “How can it be a voice you don’t know?”

  “It… I don’t know. It belonged to someone who wanted in my head. He wanted to break me, and it seems to work.”

  “Don’t say things like—?”

  “Today I realized that in some regard he’s right.” He cut her off “I know it sounds crazy but I’ve wanted to tell you about it all. But I didn’t know how.”

  “What were you afraid of?”

  “That you would think I’m insane.” He said almost looking away.

  “Is there more?”

  Tom tried to rearrange the words in his head. “Yeah, I saw something in the mirror.”

  “What?”

  “It wasn’t me. It was someone else.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “I don’t know.” He started. “I just know I saw someone, he was older. It was almost the face I pictured when I first heard voices.”

  “So the voice is older?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Who do you think it belongs to?”

  Tom took a breath. “It’s hard to say. What I think it is, is impossible.”

  “What?”

  “I think this is William, coming out through me.”

  He watched as her face changed from one of concern, to one of disgust. “Are you insane?”

  He turned his head sideways. “This is what I was afraid of.”

  “That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “It might be, but that’s what I believe is going on.”

  “Look, if that’s what you think. I can’t change your mind. Though I have to say it sounds like absolute madness.”

  “I can’t be sure of anything. But it’s obvious that you think I’m making this up. Look, I’m just going to go to work. Let me know when dinner is ready.”

  Tom got up before she could say anything else. He walked through the room and went to the office. He closed the door behind him. She stared after him, worried, but there was nothing she could do.

  Chapter 34

  Tom sat there in the chair. He half expected Jennifer to come in, but she never did. Instead, he was alone. He rocked back in the chair, trying to wrap his head around something, but it wasn’t working.

  Was it really that bad?

  “Was what that bad?”

  Your life?

  “It hasn’t been for quite some time.”

  But what about before the writing? What was it like then?

  “I suppose it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I made it through.”

  But you were an orphan.

  “What are you getting at?”

  Orphans don’t live great lives.

  “Well, my childhood wasn’t that great.”

  Tom sat there thinking about everything. His mind went back to one of the last days he spent in the orphanage.

  ****

  Tom was standing there a suitcase lying at his feet. He’d just finished high school and was fixing to go to college. There was a feeling of success as he stood there looking at the man ahead of him.

  “I’m
proud of the man you’ve become.”

  Tom looked at him. “You’re a lying son of a bitch.”

  “Wow, that hurts.” Mr. Finch put his hand over his heart. It was a gesture that would seem sincere to most. Tom saw through it. He stood there staring.

  “You know, I would believe that if you and that damn wife of yours didn’t treat me like shit for most of my life.”

  “We were good to you.”

  Tom leaned in. “Listen, you sorry bastard. We both know you’re nothing more than a lying, abusive, sorry, useless waste of skin. I'll walk out that door for one last time and I’m leaving with two goals. I’ll make something of myself and I'll go on and become someone better than you’ve ever thought of being. My second goal is simple: I’ll shut this place down. I want a place for the kids, but a place that’s far away from you. You don’t deserve to hurt anyone anymore.”

  Tom turned and walked out of the house without another word, going toward his end destination of Springfield. The whole way he couldn’t help but breathe deeper. He’d made it out of that hell hole he’d lived in for his entire life.

  ****

  Tom sat there rocking back in the chair. He clasped his heads together and thought about the first book he’d ever released to the public. There wasn't much publicity around it, so he wasn't sure what to expect. But, after about 6 months, the book word spread. He was excited to watch the numbers soar. Afterward, he took the ball and ran with it.

  He wrote another three novels, and a popularity boom followed. He couldn’t fathom what would happen. It was at that moment he realized that he could tick off one goal on his list.

  The second goal though, shutting down that orphanage. He wasn’t able to do that though meeting the woman a few weeks ago made him feel better. He shook his head trying to clear his mind.

  Did you really fail?

  “Yes, I mean it is better but….” He trailed off.

  Tom sat there. He was trying to figure out what he was thinking , the voice in his head had changed, and he realized it. “Why are you being so respectful out of the blue? Before all of this you were acting crazy, but now you’re trying to tell me you care?”

  It’s not that I care, it’s that you now have me in your head to care. All of this is in your own head, I’d think by now you’d realize that, but I could be wrong. The fact is, you think I should care, because you think I’m the voice of a man whose likely your grandfather. Pretty well sums up the entire thing if you ask me.

  “I guess that means you don’t think all of these pieces fit.”

  It’s more of a question of if YOU think they all line up together.

  As the voice in his head finished that sentence his computer went off. He looked at the notification bar and realized that it was an email. He clicked to the side and went into the messages. At the top of the screen was the new message he’d received. He read the subject line out loud.

  “Your test results are in.”

  Tom felt the nervous twinge in his stomach as he read the subject line again. He debated on if he wanted to click it but decided that he more than wanted to, he needed to. It took a few seconds but finally he saw the message come full on the screen. He read it to himself.

  Dear Mr. Mason,

  We are sending you an email per your request when you set up the forensic test a few weeks ago. Thanks to the small bit of information you gave us, we narrowed down the search. You’ll receive a full packet of information in the next few days, but for now, we’re sending you a condensed email and PDF chart that shows our findings.

  According to the DNA files we have access to, we’ve determined that we could find both your mother and father’s parents. On your Mother’s side, your grandparents are Kelly and Richard Turner. I regretfully inform you that our records show that both of them passed away a few years ago.

  On your father’s side things were more complicated because your grandparents weren’t married. However, we found them. Their names are Valerie Mason, and William Hall, they too have passed away. As stated above, you’ll receive a full packet with a little deeper explanation in the mail in the coming days. I wanted to make sure you knew of the situation per your request.

  Tom sat there re-reading the email. This was all the confirmation he needed. He was in fact the grandson of William Hall. It explained a lot, including the book. It was in that moment he felt a load of emotions at once. He turned and walked out of the room forgetting that Jennifer was in the house until he saw her on the sofa.

  “How are you feeling?”

  He stopped in his tracks and turned his attention to her.

  “Not well. I got an email back from the place I sent off for the DNA test.”

  “And?”

  “And it turns out, I’m related to a serial killer.”

  Tom couldn’t hold it in. He broke down and cried. Jennifer was sitting there hugging him as he sobbed into her shoulder.

  Chapter 35

  Jennifer held him close until he’d gotten himself under control. When he’d got his head on straight, he sat up and wiped his eyes.

  “Are you okay?” She asked.

  “I don’t know how I feel to be honest. I’m just lost.”

  “Yeah, I think I understand that.”

  He hesitated. “I know I didn’t know my parents, or anything like that but I feel like this defines me.”

  “Why does it define you? Your life isn’t made up by these people, by any of this. There’s no reason to feel that way.”

  “I know…” His voice trailed off.

  “You know how you should define your life?”

  He raised his eyebrows at her. She got up and walked over to the bookshelf and pulled one book down and walked back. She sat it in his lap.

  “If you want to define your life by anything at all, then do it by this.” She patted the book. He looked down it was the first book he’d ever had published. Angels in Death He smiled at her. She went on.

  “Your writing, that’s what should define your life. But look, your life is worth more than the words you’ve put on these pages. Your life is worth more than the ideas you’ve created. Your life is worth a lot more than the people in that book-” She pointed down to Williams Book on the table “...Would ever give you the credit for.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know you. I know from what you have said. They are far from good people. Those type of people shouldn't define your life. They need to be put somewhere that they can’t hurt your mind anymore.”

  “It’s not that simple. I think you know that.”

  “Yeah, but it sounds good to say. I don’t want you to think the world was turned on its’ head because of this.”

  He looked at her through the red in his eyes. “It kind of has.”

  “How?”

  “Because, before it wasn’t a matter of anything other than being a writer. But, what if these genes are in me?”

  “Murders aren’t built through genes. They’re built through the urge to take a human life. That’s an urge that I know you don’t have.”

  Tom shook his head. “You’re right.”

  “See, these people were monsters. They were evil monsters who spent their most of their lives snuffing out the lives of those that they deemed didn’t matter. You’ve spent your life working to at least give everyone a chance at enjoying something in their lives. You’re far from a monster. In fact, to some you’re a hero.”

  He laughed. “I’m a lot of things, I’m far from a hero.”

  “Regardless of what you think you are, or you aren’t, you’re not a monster that much is a guarantee.”

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  She kissed him on the cheek. “I know I am.” She got up and went to leave. “You going to be okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m better, thank you.”

  “It's my pleasure.”

  When she left Tom looked around the room as he thought about the conversation. He got up and walked over to the book shelf
peering through the books he had, including his own; he ran his fingers down the spines of the book. The realness of the books made him feel much better than he thought it would.

  “She was right.”

  About?

  “About the fact that this is my life. This is the mark I leave behind. It has nothing to do the family I came from.”

  But we both know that isn’t true.

  “Don’t start with that.”

  The voice laughed inside his own head. What, you don’t like honesty. You saw the reflection in the mirror. That might not be what she sees, but that’s the man you are inside. There’s no denying that. Why haven’t you come to terms with it yet?

  “Because that’s not how the world works, that’s never been how it works.”

  Read a little deeper, a little more between the lines. At some point the souls of those that I took, they’ll call to you. When they call to you the way I have… well then it’s only a matter of time.

  There was more laughter but Tom shook his head. He didn’t know what it all meant, but he pushed it back and went into the kitchen. He could smell dinner cooking.

  Chapter 36

  Tom sat there that night after Jennifer had gone to bed. The light in the corner of the room was on. The TV flashed vibrant colors, and the sound turned down. He reached down and picked up William’s book off the table, taking out the bookmark and turning to the page he’d left off on. Before he started to read, he thought he heard a sob. It’s a matter of your imagination playing tricks on you. He thought.

  ****

  So at this point in our story, you’ve gathered enough information to know I’m not the great guy that everyone thinks I am. In hindsight I think that’s why I’m writing this book, because I wanted people to know how I thought. At least, I think that’s part of it. But I’m not just a monster, I also think that's clear. If it hasn’t yet, let’s make it clear right now.